


Blessed My Weakness, Blessed My Wrongs

by afteriwake



Series: In So Few Words [40]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Riruka, Gen, POV Dokugamine Riruka, Regret, Regretful Riruka, The Lost Substitute Shinigami Arc, surrender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-10 01:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her life was never going to resemble what it once had or what she had once wanted ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessed My Weakness, Blessed My Wrongs

_And yet, I suppose you mourn the loss or the death of what you thought your life was, even if you find your life is better after. You mourn the future that you thought you'd planned._  
Lynn Redgrave

The minute Ginjou slashed her she knew. She knew it was all over, her life as she knew it. Everyone else seemed so happy to get Ichigo’s powers. Drunk with power was what they were. But she…she was not. She didn’t want them. She knew that that was what the whole plan had been for but now that it had come to fruition she didn’t want them. She’d be happy with Dollhouse just as it was. She’d even more happily try and give the powers back, if she could. If only she could.

Then Yukio’s powers took hold and she was in a room with the woman who gave Ichigo his shinigami powers back. She knew Yukio was a sadist; if she didn’t fight to kill then he’d kill them both. So she did all she could to bring the woman down. Chased her, shot the dolls at her, tried to pin her down and squash her. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to fight anyone, especially one of Ichigo’s friends. She saw what Tsukishima had done to Chad and Orihime. She didn’t want any more of his friends hurt.

Maybe, in the back of her mind, she had hoped everyone would change their minds. Power was good, yeah, but it wasn’t everything. They were different, sure, but they didn’t need more power. They needed less…they needed none. What they needed was to be _normal_ , and as soon as Ginjou got his hands on Ichigo’s power he just added to it. She didn’t want it. But she took it anyway, because she couldn’t fight Ginjou.

Finally she’d stuffed Rukia in that stuffed devil toy, and then Rukia had called her normal. And it all changed. No, she wasn’t normal; she was _special_. And she wanted to beat that into her head. She was not normal, she would never be normal and her only chance at being normal was gone. Ichigo wouldn’t take her powers now. She would be lucky if he even acknowledged her existence now without disdain. After all, she was the enemy. Maybe not as big an enemy as Ginjou, who probably deserved a capital E for that, but she had fought his friend.

And then it hit her: she could hide. She could hide in the woman’s clothing, since she’d done whatever it was she’d done and popped out of the stuffed animal. So she did, and then the walls were gone and she could hear the others talking, wondering why Rukia wouldn’t wake up. And she could run. She could scamper off, hope not to be hit, and go away. Only Ichigo knew her whole name, only he would need to come after her. Hopefully not in revenge, though if this Rukia chick didn’t wake up he might.

But…she couldn’t do that. All her plans were cowardice. She’d live to regret the day if she left. Her hopes of being normal dashed, her hopes of anything with Ichigo ruined, her ties with Ginjou binding her around the neck instead of the heart…she had to stay. It might choke the soul out of her to stay at the mercy of the shinigami but at least she’d live. And maybe they would show mercy. Maybe.

She used her Fullbring, brought herself back to her normal size. Everyone turned to look at her, and with a crushed heart and a broken spirit she raised her hands in surrender. One of the men looked at her and calmly moved towards her. Another shouted at her, asking what she had done to Rukia. And yet all she could do was stand there, arms raised above her head, and wait for whatever punishment that they would produce. That was all she was good for now. She’d never be anything close to normal again.


End file.
